Mother's Day Reflection...

I read somewhere that Mother's Day is to Infertiles what Valentine's Day is to single people who just want to be in a relationship, a day to survive, to somehow make it through.  That certainly felt true last year.  I thought it was so weird how strangers would say "Happy Mother's Day" like it applied to everyone.  I realize most of you might not have given this a second thought, but to someone doped up on fertility meds, it was all I could notice.  It's like pregnant people, sometimes I think they follow me around on purpose just to be jerks.  Last year was impossible.  I got through it because I was fortunate enough to spend it with my own amazing mother (and I stayed far away from facebook!).  I could focus on how lucky I was to have her as a mother instead of focusing (or at least not constantly focusing) on how unfortunate I was to not be a mother myself.


That was last year.  This year is different.  My husband  and I have put fertility treatments on the back burner.  It was time.  We were out of money, out of patience and frankly just tired of it.  It has been wonderful, like we can start living again.  (I know right now you are tempted to tell me that because we have stopped trying maybe we will get our miracle!! Stop yourself.)


4 IVFs meant a year of planning our lives around appointments and injections.  Last summer I went to two concerts where I had to do injections in the car while tailgating.  Awkward.
This summer we have plans, lots and lots of non fertile plans and I plan on enjoying it.  My best friend went crazy about a year ago and became an avid runner, she forced me to sign up for a race with her.  Running (even though I still kinda hate it) has been so therapeutic for me.  I have a physical goal for myself that I ACTUALLY have control over.  I know people might feel sorry for me but I can say at this moment I am that happiest I have been in a long time.  I think I can speak for my husband and say he feels the same way.  I'm not saying it doesn't sting when I see a pregnancy announcement on facebook, but I'm also not automatically defriending people because of it.  Progress.  I can even tell people I am happy for them and almost mean it.


We will probably try again eventually.  We might even know our next move.  But it's not happening right now and that's ok.  We are more than ok.


I do hope you take a second to consider and pray for the women who are still in a dark place this Mother's Day, still struggling and hurting.  It's a silent pain that is really hard to share.